My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
