she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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