You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
