Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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