i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
