You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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