Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You are a genius and a whore.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
