He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
