I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize