Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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