His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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