I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
