Quick, to the slutcave!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
