the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
