I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had sex on a dog bed..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
