So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize