You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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