i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
