At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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