You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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