i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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