I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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