Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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