There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
