I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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