ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
