Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm bleeding and have questions
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
