Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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