a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
