i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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