You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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