so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
