I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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