Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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