Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize