O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
