I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
