The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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