Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
