he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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