shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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