first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
