she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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