Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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