At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
