remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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