she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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