theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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