I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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