I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize