Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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