he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize