I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize