How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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