i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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