Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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