My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
