i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
