a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
