Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Terrible idea I love it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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