i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize