still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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