You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
