Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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