I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
