afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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