i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
