Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
