i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
