went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
