If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
