Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am available for nakedness
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
